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Beating the Unbeatable 
Did you ever have the experience of being in a great mood after a nice
evening and then suddenly cringe about something you said or did?
Do you ever feel that just as everything is finally going the way you
want, you
suddenly become anxious??
"It can’t last," you say.
"Something will go wrong." You become scared of losing something that
you barely had a chance to appreciate.
Do you ever go through days of having nothing good to say to yourself,
except how inadequate, incompetent, and deficient you are?
Intellectually, you know you are all right. You are aware of all your
accomplishments. You know you have good friends, and they are your
friends for good reason. And yet there is something in you that is
saying to you: "You are no good. Never were, never will be."
What is going on? Why cannot we just enjoy our lives and appreciate
each moment as it comes? What is IT?
The Debater
Every culture knows about IT. Every culture speaks about IT. Every
culture has developed techniques to combat IT. But no one knows how to
become totally free of IT. Because it’s impossible. The sages of all
cultures recognized that IT is indestructible. IT was. IT is. And IT
will be for as long as human beings are endowed with free will. We can
work at subduing IT in order to run our own lives, or IT subdues us and
runs our lives for us.
Through the sacred texts, myths, and images found in the night dreams
of various cultures, IT’s many appearances have been identified. But
regardless of the form IT takes, IT’s essence is always the same. The
essence of IT is the negation of life in every possible form. The
essence of IT is the deliberate, consistent, and non-compromising
movement away from IS - also known as TRUTH.
The Hindu tradition offers one of the best portrayals of IT. Shiva is
one of three main Gods who symbolizes the primal rhythmic energy which
animates the universe. Shiva dances and all things come into being and
pass away. The three arms of Shiva represent the three aspects of the
cosmic process: creation, maintenance, and dissolution. Shiva’s left
foot is raised in the movement of the dance, the movement that
perpetuates the continuity of life. But for stability Shiva needs
strong support from his right foot. Look at Shiva’s right foot. It
stands firmly on... not the ground, but a small dwarf. Surprise! With
one foot in the air, and needing strong support, why not stand on the
ground? Why on the dwarf? Because the dwarf is IT. The dwarf is "Man’s
Forgetfulness" of God and his own nature. The dwarf looks meek and
helpless under the powerful foot of Shiva. But if the "Lord of Dance"
were to relax his vigil, the dwarf could grow strong and dangerous. If
the dance of life is to go on, our inclination to forget who we truly
are must remain under the firm foot.
Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa exemplify those in
whom Shiva was able to tame the dwarf. Adolph Hitler was one of those
in whom the dwarf was standing firmly on top of Shiva.
Most of us are locked in a ceaseless struggle with the dwarf. Sometimes
we yield to IT’s power--negativity and criticism of the present,
attachment to guilt and regret about the past, and the false glitter or
anxiety about the future. Other times, quieting the voice of the
trickster for a short time, we are allowed glimpses of the bliss and
fullness of living in the "isness" of the moment.
Why is it so difficult to defeat IT? Because IT resides inside of us.
IT is a part of us. IT’s very existence depends on us paying attention
to IT’s voice. IT knows us better than anyone in the world does. IT is:
"yeitza ho rah," as Hebrew sages called it, the evil inclination of
forgetting our relationship with the Creator. And although we also have
inside of us: "yeitza ha tov," the inclination of good, the voice of
the Serpent is very powerful. Here is one of the major reasons.
In the struggle to gain mastery in life and attain inner and outer
balance, each of us must become a "Jack of all trades." That is, one
must learn the skills of how to eat, drink, walk, talk, and take care
of one’s body. Then, perhaps how to drive, sing, work. How to be a son,
a friend, a brother, a sister, a co-worker, a wife, a neighbor, a
negotiator, a caretaker, etc. The list is endless. We all learn these
skills to one degree or another, but it takes time and energy.
IT’s full attention is devoted to getting to know one person only: you.
IT’s entire energy is spent on mastering only one area of expertise:
convincing you to listen to IT’s voice. That is why I have named IT the
Debater. When we feel weak and scared the Debater yells at us and
threatens us. When we feel strong and confident the Debater lures our
attention with admiration and the glitter of future victories, then
inadvertently drops a phrase or two that creates doubt. One way or
another, sooner or later, as long as we allow ourselves to become
engaged in an interchange with the Debater we lose. Before we know it,
we are living with what if, I had to, I never will, I always should, if
only I would, maybe, why didn’t I, how could I, what I said was stupid,
this is impossible for me to do, it will not work, I am ugly, this is
too small, that is too big, there is not enough, there is too much...
The Debater seduces us into judging life rather then being within the
experience of life itself. Before we know it, we are criticizing
ourselves or others, consumed with guilt or regret about the past,
frightened by or making up stories about the future. We are cut off
from fully experiencing the present with it’s unlimited possibilities
for growth and change.
It is easy for the Debater to command our attention. Most of the time
we are not aware of how we slip into IT’s clever, inviting, and sticky
trap of blame, anger, resentment, envy, judgment, guilt, fear, doubt,
self-battery, megalomania. My good friend, and brilliant psychiatrist,
Dr. Vivian Lind, says, "You have no control over going." Indeed, we
only notice what is happening when we are already in the experience.
"We do have control," she continues "over coming back." That is, once
we become aware of being engaged with the Debater, it is our
responsibility to take control. But how does one take control over
something so all knowing, so skillful, so powerful?
Taming the Debater
The Debater has an Achilles Heel. There is one thing that the Debater
absolutely needs in order to use IT’s skill of debating, in order to
take control over us. It is TIME. No matter how quick, slick, and
convincing the Debater may be, no matter how suggestible and vulnerable
we are, TIME, at least a short period of time, is necessary for the
debate to occur. It only takes a moment for us to be sucked in ever and
ever again into the logical and seemingly reasonable net of arguments.
Here is the way out. Do not give the Debater time! With no time IT has
no power. I have developed the following simple, quick, yet extremely
effective technique. When used consistently, this combination of
awareness, will, and imagination can subdue the Debater.
STEP 1: Give IT a name. Preferably, the name should be no more than one
syllable.
STEP 2: Close your eyes, say the name out loud and see if any image
comes to your mind. You might see the face of your Debater. Some of my
students find that once IT appears in a certain form, IT always appears
the same way. Others find that the Debater appears each time in a
different form. And yet another group reports seeing no image at all.
STEP 3: Any time you find yourself being critical or negative in the
present, regretful or guilt-ridden about the past, fearful of or in the
fantasy world about the future, recognize the experience as being the
voice of the Debater.
STEP 4: At that very moment, say in your mind, "Oh, it's you, (name of
the Debater)."
STEP 5*: See the face of IT (if you can). Then see yourself pulling the
string (like the ones on old-fashioned toilets) and flushing the
Debater with an avalanche of water down into the Earth.
STEP 6: Go right back to whatever you are doing in the present moment.
*Some students find it possible to omit this step and go right to Step
6.
The whole process must take no more then five seconds. Two seconds is
the best. No talk. That is crucial. Some of my students who were
habitual "self-underminers" found themselves in the beginning doing the
technique four to five hundred times a day! That’s not too bad if the
rest of the time you can live in peace and balance. After all, five
hundred times at five seconds per time is less than 42 minutes. Is it
such a big price to pay?
Here I want to repeat something I said in the beginning of this essay;
but it is an essential element of this work. Please, do not trust me,
trust your experience. The only way you will know if this technique
works is if you try it out. Test it for one week only, but with an
absolute commitment. Even if you get tired after a few hours or days,
stay with the technique. If you stay with it you might find that with
time not only will the Debater bother you less and less, but you will
also be able to become aware of IT’s presence and IT’s intentions more
and more quickly. And one day, just as you find yourself about to grant
attention to the voice of the Debater, you will know at once who is
bidding for your life, and you will smile. And, as you do, the Debater
will disappear into thin air.
BEATING THE UNBEATABLE
Part II.
It’s
been ten
years since I first wrote about the
debater.
Since then, I received a lot of positive feedback about the
effectiveness of this
technique that helps to beat the inner saboteur. And yet, again and
again a
question arose within my own mind and from my students: “Why would it
be necessary
for God (nature, ultimate reality, unified field of consciousness) to
create
something with an inherent self- destructive mechanism? Everything else
in
nature is geared only toward growth and construction.
Every cell supports the lives of other cells,
and every neuron fires at the right time in the right place. Every
blade of
grass thrives to grow, even breaking through the cracks in the cement
pavement. The little bird eats from
between the teeth of the alligator at the same time serving as a dental
hygienist to the big fellow. And even a fallen leaf decomposes, only to
become
food for the tree that grows the leaf.
Then
I
remembered the Bible. At the end of each of the five days of creation
God saw
“It was good,” and at the end of the sixth day after creating men God
saw “It
was very good.” That which was very good
(a human being) was born with something, which inside was not good at
all. This seemed to be a major production
flaw.
Something, which constantly undermined the very existence of that which
was
very good. It just did not make
sense.
I was
looking
for an answer until I came across the following Talmudic statement: “Do
as
Satan does, not as Satan says.” Interesting… “Do as Satan does…” Isn’t
it a
call for Satan worshiping, for evil deeds? Of course not. The
explanation
followed in a typical Hebraic way-through a story.
Once
there was a king who, as he advanced in age,
wanted to know if his son, the prince was worthy to be a king. So, he
called
his most beautiful, most devoted, and most trustworthy concubine and
shared
with her his concerns. He asked her to go the prince and do everything
she
could to sexually seduce him. He then called his son and told him “My
son, the
following month I give you the reigns over the kingdom. You can do
anything you
wish except one thing. You can not have sex.” The
discourse goes; when the concubine tries
to seduce the prince, does that mean that she hates the king or the
prince? Of
course not, she is a devoted servant of the king. She wants the prince
to prove
worthy of being a king, she wants the king to be reassured and happy,
and that
is why she will do her best trying to seduce the prince hoping that he
passes
the test.
The
same is true for Satan. Satan does not
doubt God, but doubts the
integrity and devotion of men and will do everything to test them, to
lure them
into following their personal will rather than the will of God.
So,
“Do as Satan
does, not as Satan says…” means, Do as Satan does- be a devoted servant
of God,
Not as Satan says- do not listen to his stories, they are there just to
test
you.
The
wisdom of
this story brought me to understanding that the Debater is not an evil
impulse
within us that seeks our destruction; rather, it is a part of us that
propels
us to grow by creating obstacles and detours along the way. Having the
opportunity to choose life, peace, and connectedness with God or that
which is
opposite to life, joy, peace, and happiness allows humans the freedom
of
self-creation making us God-like.
I
also found an
analogy to the Debater (the opposing power) in nature. Every living
cell has a
positive and a negative charge. If both poles become positive or both
become
negative- the cell dies.
We
need the
Debater to keep going and growing. It is not a part of us that is evil.
It is a
part of us that challenges us to make the right choices. All you have
to do to
beat the Debater is not to try to beat it, not to resent it, and not to
argue
with it. Just as soon as you notice any
negativity, any judgment of yourself or others, any anger, or any
thoughts that
are not life-enhancing simply say to yourself, “Oh, thanks for the
reminder.”
Of course that means “I understand that these negative thoughts are
damaging
and have no value, they appear only to challenge my commitment to life
and truth.
Therefore I choose not to waste my life energy on fighting the evil, I
choose
to strengthen the good, by refusing to fight and saying yes to life.” But that is too long. So, you say a short
version “Oh, Thanks for the reminder.”
And
the Debater has no power over you. You are free to live in the NOW and
to
become the best you can become.
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